As most of my readers know already, and as I mentioned in my last post, I recently watched a movie that touched me deeper than I could ever communicate to anyone. The movie is called The Grey. It's about a man who has given up on life, who has come to the end of his rope, and wants to end it all... but somehow finds it in himself to keep going. He not only keeps going, but helps 6 others to keep going as well. Most people who have seen the movie find it very depressing and dissatisfying, because the main character seems to live for no reason at all, but I found it to be the most moving, heart-throbbing, captivating movie I've ever seen. There's a short poem in this movie that particularly touched my heart. Though the main character in this movie is an atheist, and his father, who wrote this short poem, was an alcoholic, I find this poem to be extremely Christian: Once more into the fray Into the last good fight I'll ever know Live and die on this day... Live and die on this day... I've meditated on this piece quite a bit, and I keep finding new, deeper meanings to it. It's so beautiful. And actually, it's incredibly in line with the title and purpose of my blog. As a devoted follower of Christ, I find life, though it is beautiful and wondrous, to be exhausting and trying. To follow the path of salvation through the corruption in which the world has been consumed is the most difficult thing on this earth. Each day I wake up and face the day. Some days are better than others. Each day I find myself saying, "Once more into the fray..." because life IS a constant fight; it's a continuous struggle to push through the mob of sin, of despair, of corruption that tries to envelope us every moment of the day. We are to live in the present, not to dwell on the past or anticipate the future... so each day that I look sin in the face is the last good fight I will ever know, the last push to hold on to God's hand. And each day, there is life and death. Not just in the world, but in me, in you, and in Jesus Christ. The title of my blog is, "He lived to die, so I die to live". Do you see the correlation? When you wake up in the morning, your heart beats for a purpose. God gave you a mission. You are to live. You are to thrive. But you are also to die... to die to your former self, to your sinful tendencies, to the original sin that grasps at your heels each second. A continuous fight. But a rewarding fight. A seed can not grow unless it first dies. (John 12:24) I hope this touched you as much as it did me. God bless!
I have a lot on my mind. College. The future. Family. Thanksgiving break. My vocation. Desires. Crosses and sacrifices. The path I am to take next. My job. Music. Snow. Tattoos. Christmas. Food. Friends. Coffee. My best friend. Life. Oh, how quickly life changes. One minute you're off to college to become an army nurse... the next, you're an undeclared major with exercise-induced asthma and facing the possibility that the military won't have you. One moment life makes sense, you have it all mapped out and you're finally peaceful... and in the next moment, you're completely and utterly lost, and you don't know how to take the next step forward. How does that even happen? I find lately that I just want to drop everything and start a new life somewhere else. Maybe a change in scenery would allow for me to discover something in me that I couldn't see before, some talent that God intended me to use for the rest of my life. Italy sounds nice. But then, someone once told me that God put us where we are for a reason... Would it be prudent to pick up and leave the place He set me? You gotta branch out eventually, right? The world is there to be explored, to be touched by the Light shining in us. The light is dim in me. I don't know if that's because I've let other things take precedence in my life, or because I'm just not on the right path yet, there's no peace, and I can't see God. But I'm not sitting still. I'm still reaching for Him. I can't rest until I rest in Him. And while He's far away, I won't stop 'til I find His arms again. But maybe I shouldn't be trying to find Him. Maybe I should just let Him come to me. But He's already here. So why do I search? Why am I not peaceful? My brain hurts. All I know, is that where I am right now in my life, doesn't feel right. Things aren't meshing together. I spend more days uneasy, distant, crying, than happy and full of life. It shouldn't be that way. I'll figure it out eventually.... I want that tattoo... La
Vita รจ Bella. Those words saved me for a long time. No matter how restless I get in this life, no matter how drowned in darkness I can get at one time, that realization that life is beautiful, pulls me through every time. I'm gonna get it as a tattoo. I love music. I take it for granted too often. I watched a movie last night, and in one scene, the main character heard music for the first time in his life, and he broke down and cried. I feel like that when I hear particular pieces that touch my soul. Like the theme song from the movie The Grey. It makes me want to cry, yet at the same time it touches me so deep no tears will come. What a paradox. I love it. The idea that a combination of mere sounds can impact us like that. Music is awesome. My mind is going at a million miles per hour, probably because I'm drinking a monster and trying to sit still at the same time. I'm exhausted at the thought of trying to put everything in my brain into words, so I'll stop while I'm ahead. Goodnight, world!
