Sometimes it's hard to believe... but everything happens for a reason.
I often forget my worth. I think everyone does this to an extent. Though we live in a self-centered, egotistical world, most people truly don't recognize and understand the impact they have on others and the world.
I know I don't.
My inspiration for writing this post is fueled by my bewilderment.
All of my life, I have had a very sub-par view of myself. I've never thought much of the person I am, always focusing on my flaws and what is wrong with me. It's a very damaging aspect of my life. My self esteem has surely had its highs and lows, mostly lows, but God has never stopped trying to make me realize how amazing I am.
That is why I'm bewildered.
On a daily basis, when I look in the mirror, I see a young woman with scars inside and out who either tries too hard or not hard enough, who has had a misinformed sense of love all her life and who has sought acceptance in all the wrong places. I see flaws, missing pieces, sins and vices and things I need to change. I see mediocrity and traces of corruption everywhere in me. I am never content with myself.
The main part that I want you, my reader, to take from how I see myself is this: I see myself as average. Nothing special.
It might not sound harmful. Sure, it's good to be humble. But upon thinking deeply about it, I have realized it's dangerous for me to think of myself this way, for many reasons, but the main reason is that if I see myself as average, common, or mediocre, then I leave no room to see and believe that I am a gift, a precious gift with talents and graces beyond my own comprehension. I leave no room to see that God lives and works in me and that is why I am amazing.
It's so harmful that, though I can say, "yes, I am special, I am a child of God, I am amazing..." blah blah blah... I don't mean it. Same goes when people try to tell me. People have tried to tell me all day long what a blessing I am.
But I can't believe it if I think I'm just average.
This doesn't mean to have an inflated self esteem. But in order to thrive and become the person God intends for you to be, amazing and full of life and brimming with love, you have to know your worth.
And that's a hard thing to do. It's going to take all my life to know what I'm worth.
But that's where God comes in...so perfectly as always...
I don't know how, or why, but God sees it fit to put the most incredible people into my life. Incredible is an understatement. I don't know if this happens to everyone, but it astounds me the number of people that I have met and shared who I am with in a short amount of time that have come to me and told me that I am something so special, so extraordinary and different than anyone they've ever met, that I've changed their life simply by being in it, that my smile lights up their world...
It would melt my heart to hear that from one single person... but no. God has told me, through so many people that I have met, that I am amazing. And I just don't get it.
For a long time, when I would think about what those people have said that they see in me, I thought they were talking about someone else. It didn't sound like me at all. That or I was an undercover super hero... so undercover that I didn't even know about it...
I now realize that when people tell me that I am something special, it's not because I'm doing something BETTER than anyone else. It means that I have struggled, and fought, and fallen, and sinned and left myself in the dirt countless times, but that I have allowed God to pick me back up. And I have allowed Him to work in me, to shine through me, and to make His home in me.
Why would God want to shine through... me? Of all the beautiful people in this world to spread His message, why would He choose me, when I trip and fall every step I take?
It is when I am weak that I am strong.
I am NOWHERE near where I need to be in my life, spiritually, financially, emotionally... I'm under construction. Bigtime. But I'm coming to realize more and more through the breathtaking people God has placed in my life that I AM WORTH IT. I am worth it because I'm not perfect. When people look at me they see something amazing... Why? Because it's God. He has infused Himself into every part of my being. When I accept who I am and simply be me... God is shining through. When I stumble and fall and beat myself down in the dirt, He picks me back up and brushes the dirt off and puts me in someone's life that needs me.
And that proves to me that I am worth it. I am needed. I am loved. I am special. I am amazing.
...............
And so are YOU.
I know I'm not alone in that it's very easy to forget that you're worth it. You always see someone who has something you don't, who has it together that much more than you, who sees something beautiful in life that you don't.
But listen to me: Your life is a testimony. Your every breath is a fight to conquer evil, sin, normality, mediocrity. It's time to see that you are amazing. You are a miracle and a gift, to God and to everyone who has met you. You are capable of ANYTHING if you are united with the Heart of Christ.
You woke up this morning. That's God saying, "I have something for you to do today." or "I have someone who needs to hear something you're going to say." or "Breathe. It's time to know your worth in Me."
Let yourself shine with the light of Christ. He can't shine through you if you don't let Him.
Be amazing. Be you.
God bless :)
